As I'm packing up my things and saying my goodbyes to Cambodia I'm struck with gratitude at the blessing of being able to go home and be with my family at Christmas. Some people won't be able to. Many of my missionary friends here will be far from family during December. As will countless others around the world.
My prayer this Christmas is that we (I) won't be so busy having ourselves a merry little Christmas that we forget the beautiful, scandalous, and so very, very important meaning of what took place on a Holy Night long ago. May we let it burn in our hearts. May the enormity of Emmanuel: God with us fill our hearts 'til there's no room for anything else.
May we remember our brothers and sisters around the world who are suffering because they believe in the truth of that Night.
May we remember our brothers and sisters in Cambodia (and many other countries,) who have freedom of religion, but still face ridicule from their family and friends for believing in that Night.
May we realise that there's nothing little about the miracle that happened that Night. It changed the course of the universe...and for what reason? Love. Mysterious, mind-boggling love.
Leaving on Wednesday night...see you on the other side of the world!
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012
The Final Stretch
Well hello everyone. I am ashamed. Ashamed at how long it has been since I last wrote a blog! While I would like to blame it on being really busy (quite a lot has happened the last few months!) the truth is I had plenty of time to write. I'm just a procrastinater :-/ So from the bottom of my heart. I'm so sorry.
This post will be a quick recap of what has happened since I last wrote. A lot has happened! There has, as always in Cambodia, been a lot of down time too. That just seems to be part of the deal when living in a country that closes up their doors when the sun goes down. However, I have also definitely been blessed with some great memories that will stay with me forever.
In July I helped with Vacation Bible School at ICA in Phnom Penh. It will always be one of my favorite memories of my time here. We learned all about trusting in God the whole week. Something that I really needed to (and still need to) hear. We also had our area retreat in Siem Reap. I got to spend a week with M's from all the surrounding countries in our area as well as my missionary family here in Cambodia. It was a great time of refreshing!
In August we had a three day English Camp with LOHI, the English Center where I take Khmer lessons, and where I taught an English class. It was amazing! God really showed up and made it an incredible time for around 300 young people, some of whom have never been to any sort of camp in their lives. Probably my other favorite memory of my time in Cambodia. I will never forget seeing the looks of pure joy on some of my students faces as they learned the actions to songs, played games, cheered for their color team, and much more.
During the months of August and September, Kami and I tag teamed and taught Hannah and Ethan double days of school every day. It was crazy, but we all got through it, and I really think it was worth it! Hopefully it will help Kami out a lot when she teaches them for the remainder of the school year when I return to the States.
In September, the English term ended. I said goodbye to the students I've been teaching since April. I still see some of them from time to time when I'm at LOHI, but I definitely miss being with them everyday. (To clarify though, I miss my students, but I don't miss teaching! I really don't think teaching English is one of my giftings haha. Or at least I just don't enjoy it very much. But you live and learn!)
In October Kami, Hannah and I attended Kid's Camp at ICA in Phnom Penh over the Pchum Benh holiday. Lots of fun! It was Hannah's first time at camp, and though she lost a lot of sleep and didn't like all of the food, I think she had a blast! I very much enjoyed getting to know the girls in the room I was a counselor for, as well as spending a lot of quality time with all the other camp volunteers. The first day of camp it rained and the drains blocked up, so the parking lot looked like a lake. It only added to the theme of camp, which was "Survivor". I got to see kids from all over the world have their first experience with "s'mores" over a campfire too. So fun!
The end of October through the first week of November, the Heilmans and I traveled to Bangkok, Thailand. We had a lot of medical check ups at the incredible international hospital there. I ate sushi, McDonald's, Pizza Hut, and real Thailand pad thai. We went to some really huge malls and a store that was just like the Thai version of Walmart. I also got to have Starbucks a couple of times! I saw the new James Bond movie before it was even released in the States, and I toured the Grand Palace and Temple of the Emerald Buddha. While the Bangkok experience was fun for a visit, I think we were all happy to get back to Battambang. There's just so much traffic there. And eating out gets old...quick. It was also difficult to communicate because we don't speak Thai, and not nearly as many people there speak English as in Cambodia.
Right now everybody is busy preparing for Christmas programs and parties. Christmas isn't really a big deal in Cambodia, except for with Christians. There will be Christmas programs at Salaa Hope, the Christian school here, Battambang Assembly, LOHI, village minitries, etc. It's exciting seeing all the preparations, even though we won't be here for most of it.
I'll be heading back to the States on December 12! I'll be traveling with the Heilmans because they will be back for a month visiting family and attending the World Missions Summit.
While there are many people I will miss here in Cambodia, I'm also very ready to get back to Georgia and see all my family and friends that I have been missing while I've been here. I'm ready for the next step in this journey I'm on with God. (While still trying to enjoy this step while it's happening.) As of right now, I don't think I'll be returning to Cambodia, (except for visits.) I really feel like there are other places out there where He's leading me to eventually. However, I'm thankful for the experiences I've had here, and for this season of growth. It hasn't been easy by any means, but I believe in the end it will be worth it, and that it was all part of God's plan.
Thank you all so much for your prayers and support! I love you all, and I can't wait to see you all soon!
This post will be a quick recap of what has happened since I last wrote. A lot has happened! There has, as always in Cambodia, been a lot of down time too. That just seems to be part of the deal when living in a country that closes up their doors when the sun goes down. However, I have also definitely been blessed with some great memories that will stay with me forever.
In July I helped with Vacation Bible School at ICA in Phnom Penh. It will always be one of my favorite memories of my time here. We learned all about trusting in God the whole week. Something that I really needed to (and still need to) hear. We also had our area retreat in Siem Reap. I got to spend a week with M's from all the surrounding countries in our area as well as my missionary family here in Cambodia. It was a great time of refreshing!
In August we had a three day English Camp with LOHI, the English Center where I take Khmer lessons, and where I taught an English class. It was amazing! God really showed up and made it an incredible time for around 300 young people, some of whom have never been to any sort of camp in their lives. Probably my other favorite memory of my time in Cambodia. I will never forget seeing the looks of pure joy on some of my students faces as they learned the actions to songs, played games, cheered for their color team, and much more.
During the months of August and September, Kami and I tag teamed and taught Hannah and Ethan double days of school every day. It was crazy, but we all got through it, and I really think it was worth it! Hopefully it will help Kami out a lot when she teaches them for the remainder of the school year when I return to the States.
In September, the English term ended. I said goodbye to the students I've been teaching since April. I still see some of them from time to time when I'm at LOHI, but I definitely miss being with them everyday. (To clarify though, I miss my students, but I don't miss teaching! I really don't think teaching English is one of my giftings haha. Or at least I just don't enjoy it very much. But you live and learn!)
In October Kami, Hannah and I attended Kid's Camp at ICA in Phnom Penh over the Pchum Benh holiday. Lots of fun! It was Hannah's first time at camp, and though she lost a lot of sleep and didn't like all of the food, I think she had a blast! I very much enjoyed getting to know the girls in the room I was a counselor for, as well as spending a lot of quality time with all the other camp volunteers. The first day of camp it rained and the drains blocked up, so the parking lot looked like a lake. It only added to the theme of camp, which was "Survivor". I got to see kids from all over the world have their first experience with "s'mores" over a campfire too. So fun!
The end of October through the first week of November, the Heilmans and I traveled to Bangkok, Thailand. We had a lot of medical check ups at the incredible international hospital there. I ate sushi, McDonald's, Pizza Hut, and real Thailand pad thai. We went to some really huge malls and a store that was just like the Thai version of Walmart. I also got to have Starbucks a couple of times! I saw the new James Bond movie before it was even released in the States, and I toured the Grand Palace and Temple of the Emerald Buddha. While the Bangkok experience was fun for a visit, I think we were all happy to get back to Battambang. There's just so much traffic there. And eating out gets old...quick. It was also difficult to communicate because we don't speak Thai, and not nearly as many people there speak English as in Cambodia.
Right now everybody is busy preparing for Christmas programs and parties. Christmas isn't really a big deal in Cambodia, except for with Christians. There will be Christmas programs at Salaa Hope, the Christian school here, Battambang Assembly, LOHI, village minitries, etc. It's exciting seeing all the preparations, even though we won't be here for most of it.
I'll be heading back to the States on December 12! I'll be traveling with the Heilmans because they will be back for a month visiting family and attending the World Missions Summit.
While there are many people I will miss here in Cambodia, I'm also very ready to get back to Georgia and see all my family and friends that I have been missing while I've been here. I'm ready for the next step in this journey I'm on with God. (While still trying to enjoy this step while it's happening.) As of right now, I don't think I'll be returning to Cambodia, (except for visits.) I really feel like there are other places out there where He's leading me to eventually. However, I'm thankful for the experiences I've had here, and for this season of growth. It hasn't been easy by any means, but I believe in the end it will be worth it, and that it was all part of God's plan.
Thank you all so much for your prayers and support! I love you all, and I can't wait to see you all soon!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Neckrew robah khnome (My teacher.)
I started taking Khmer lessons with a tutor after being in Cambodia a month. Even during my greatest periods of homesickness and confusion, my hour lesson everyday has always been something I really enjoy. It has been such a pleasure getting to know my teacher, Roath. She's 21 years old and she's a full time university student, while working at LOHI teaching classes four hours a day, five days a week! She often remarks, "I don't know why I always want to sleep. I get so tired." Well I wonder! She's a pretty busy young lady!
For a time I tried to think of reasons why taking Khmer would prove useful in the future. I mean it helps me during my time here, to a certain extent, but I kept trying to figure out ways to make it worth while once I return to the States. Maybe I could minister to Cambodians in the U.S. Maybe I could teach English to Khmer speakers. These are possibilities I won't rule out, but I think they were mostly just the workings of my human brain trying to be practical.
One day, I was sitting in my Khmer lesson, and all of a sudden I heard God's quiet whisper in my heart.
"It doesn't have to make sense to you. It makes sense to ME. I have a plan. Isn't it worth it just to be able to get to know Roath during this time? That's all the answer you need right now."
And I had a resounding "YES." In my heart. It's been so worth it, just to make a beautiful friend that I will remember for the rest of my life.
The other day in our lesson we were having a conversation in Khmer about movies. We were talking about the 3D theater here in Battambang. It's a pretty cool place and a prime example of total Cambodian ingenuity! They show 3D DVDs on a laptop to a fairly decent sized projector screen in a dark air conditioned room. You use 3D glasses, no doubt recycled from the real 3D theater in Phnom Penh, and you can even order a hamburger and fries and they'll bring it to you during the movie. Roath said that the staff at LOHI had planned to take a group there, but the guys were choosing the movie and they chose a scary movie so she didn't go.
I told her that when I've been there we watched kid's movies because Hannah and Ethan were with us. She said she likes watching kid's movies sometimes, like Cinderella, or Snow White, because she never got to see them when she was a little girl. Growing up, her family didn't have a television. Only richer families had them. (Now even the smallest shack in Cambodia has one. Watching television is definitely one of the national pastimes!) She said her cousin had one but they wouldn't let her watch it. They would close the door and not let her see it, but she would find a hole and peek through to try to watch. She said her best friend at college told her that she had the same experience as a child, trying to find a hole to peek through into people's houses that had TVs.
As I listened to her talk about her childhood, I realized that she wasn't bitter that she didn't have a television. She was telling the story with fondness. My heart grew warm as I listened to her stories, and I told her some things about my home. This is what life is really all about, whether I'm in Cambodia, the U.S., or anywhere really. It's about sharing love with the people God has placed in my path for that season. It's moments like that I will remember for the rest of my life. It's moments like that I will tell people about when they ask,
"How was living in Cambodia for almost a year?!"
and they are really probably expecting me to tell shocking stories of eating spiders and rats.
My beautiful teacher :-)
For a time I tried to think of reasons why taking Khmer would prove useful in the future. I mean it helps me during my time here, to a certain extent, but I kept trying to figure out ways to make it worth while once I return to the States. Maybe I could minister to Cambodians in the U.S. Maybe I could teach English to Khmer speakers. These are possibilities I won't rule out, but I think they were mostly just the workings of my human brain trying to be practical.
One day, I was sitting in my Khmer lesson, and all of a sudden I heard God's quiet whisper in my heart.
"It doesn't have to make sense to you. It makes sense to ME. I have a plan. Isn't it worth it just to be able to get to know Roath during this time? That's all the answer you need right now."
And I had a resounding "YES." In my heart. It's been so worth it, just to make a beautiful friend that I will remember for the rest of my life.
The other day in our lesson we were having a conversation in Khmer about movies. We were talking about the 3D theater here in Battambang. It's a pretty cool place and a prime example of total Cambodian ingenuity! They show 3D DVDs on a laptop to a fairly decent sized projector screen in a dark air conditioned room. You use 3D glasses, no doubt recycled from the real 3D theater in Phnom Penh, and you can even order a hamburger and fries and they'll bring it to you during the movie. Roath said that the staff at LOHI had planned to take a group there, but the guys were choosing the movie and they chose a scary movie so she didn't go.
I told her that when I've been there we watched kid's movies because Hannah and Ethan were with us. She said she likes watching kid's movies sometimes, like Cinderella, or Snow White, because she never got to see them when she was a little girl. Growing up, her family didn't have a television. Only richer families had them. (Now even the smallest shack in Cambodia has one. Watching television is definitely one of the national pastimes!) She said her cousin had one but they wouldn't let her watch it. They would close the door and not let her see it, but she would find a hole and peek through to try to watch. She said her best friend at college told her that she had the same experience as a child, trying to find a hole to peek through into people's houses that had TVs.
As I listened to her talk about her childhood, I realized that she wasn't bitter that she didn't have a television. She was telling the story with fondness. My heart grew warm as I listened to her stories, and I told her some things about my home. This is what life is really all about, whether I'm in Cambodia, the U.S., or anywhere really. It's about sharing love with the people God has placed in my path for that season. It's moments like that I will remember for the rest of my life. It's moments like that I will tell people about when they ask,
"How was living in Cambodia for almost a year?!"
and they are really probably expecting me to tell shocking stories of eating spiders and rats.
My beautiful teacher :-)
Friday, May 4, 2012
I Have a Dream...
I've been teaching level 7 English for an hour every weekday afternoon at the Legacy of Hope International English Center for the past month or so. I also take my Khmer lessons at LOHI every day. It's been a great place to make friends and be able to invest in the lives of college students. I've also gotten involved in the cell group that meets there every Sunday. While there have been many challenges during my time in Cambodia so far, I have also had some really wonderful experiences and made lots of great friends, and it's mostly because of my connections at LOHI! I'm so thankful God put them in my path.
I love all of my students. They each have such different personalities. I have some girls who are incredibly hard studiers and they always know the answers to the questions. All of the guys sit on one long row in the back of the class and crack jokes. One of the guys ALWAYS cracks me up. He will say, "Teacher, it's so hot, can we go home early?" Or "Teacher, no class tomorrow right?! We take a break?" But he's also a very good student, and behind his joke cracking he has a great hunger to learn. He reminds me of a college age, Khmer version of my favorite after schooler back home, Clay.
On a recent quiz I gave a bonus question where I had all of my students write four sentences about their dreams for the future. I wanted to share some of them with you:
"I want to travel around the world with my family."
"I want to be a doctor in the hospital."
"I want to own my own business in my country."
"I want to have a good family and happiness."
"I want to have my own house."
"I want to finish successfully my studies at university."
"I want to have a car in my family."
"I want to marry with a pretty girl."
"I want to be a lawyer."
"I want to be a Khmer teacher, or a tourguide."
"I want to be a good student and I good child for my family and my community."
"In the future I will travel to the U.S. to visit my uncle."
"I will earn more money to be a millionaire."
"I will pass level 9 in LOHI and become a teacher of English."
"I will develop my country if I am a leader."
"I want to study abroad for agriculture because it can help me to find a good job."
"I want to make a shop in the Super Market in Battambang." (The super market is the mall.)
"I want to make Children Center to help children with no parents, if I have a lot of money."
These are just some of the dreams of my students. If you notice, these include the dreams of a Buddhist monk as well. There's really no difference in his dreams and the dreams of a normal everyday college student. Many of their hopes for the future are about getting good jobs, making money, or traveling the the United States. While I pray that at least one or two of each of their dreams really would come true in their lives, I also know that their happiness doesn't really lie in money or success. It certainly doesn't lie in simply making it to America. True joy and contentment is only possible through a relationship with Jesus Christ. I pray that each one will see something in me that causes them to wonder about that relationship.
Please pray for my 19 students, and for me. Pray that I would be able to find creative ways to share what makes me different in class without offending or pushing them away. Pray that the Holy Spirit would soften their hearts to the message of Christ crucified and risen!
I love all of my students. They each have such different personalities. I have some girls who are incredibly hard studiers and they always know the answers to the questions. All of the guys sit on one long row in the back of the class and crack jokes. One of the guys ALWAYS cracks me up. He will say, "Teacher, it's so hot, can we go home early?" Or "Teacher, no class tomorrow right?! We take a break?" But he's also a very good student, and behind his joke cracking he has a great hunger to learn. He reminds me of a college age, Khmer version of my favorite after schooler back home, Clay.
On a recent quiz I gave a bonus question where I had all of my students write four sentences about their dreams for the future. I wanted to share some of them with you:
"I want to travel around the world with my family."
"I want to be a doctor in the hospital."
"I want to own my own business in my country."
"I want to have a good family and happiness."
"I want to have my own house."
"I want to finish successfully my studies at university."
"I want to have a car in my family."
"I want to marry with a pretty girl."
"I want to be a lawyer."
"I want to be a Khmer teacher, or a tourguide."
"I want to be a good student and I good child for my family and my community."
"In the future I will travel to the U.S. to visit my uncle."
"I will earn more money to be a millionaire."
"I will pass level 9 in LOHI and become a teacher of English."
"I will develop my country if I am a leader."
"I want to study abroad for agriculture because it can help me to find a good job."
"I want to make a shop in the Super Market in Battambang." (The super market is the mall.)
"I want to make Children Center to help children with no parents, if I have a lot of money."
These are just some of the dreams of my students. If you notice, these include the dreams of a Buddhist monk as well. There's really no difference in his dreams and the dreams of a normal everyday college student. Many of their hopes for the future are about getting good jobs, making money, or traveling the the United States. While I pray that at least one or two of each of their dreams really would come true in their lives, I also know that their happiness doesn't really lie in money or success. It certainly doesn't lie in simply making it to America. True joy and contentment is only possible through a relationship with Jesus Christ. I pray that each one will see something in me that causes them to wonder about that relationship.
Please pray for my 19 students, and for me. Pray that I would be able to find creative ways to share what makes me different in class without offending or pushing them away. Pray that the Holy Spirit would soften their hearts to the message of Christ crucified and risen!
Saturday, April 21, 2012
A New Year...in Cambodia at least!
Well it has been just a little while since I last wrote an update haha. I seem to get into a routine and just put off writing. I've decided today though, that an update is much needed, so here goes:
A couple of weeks after I got to Cambodia we went to Phnom Penh, the capital city, to take care of some business such as extending my visa, getting shots, stocking up on supplies, etc. One night we had dinner with my supervising missionary, Ann. She's just wonderful! One thing she said to me at the time really sticks with me. She said, "There are times when you will love being in Cambodia, and there are times when you'll hate it." At the time, I didn't truly understand what she was saying. I was still on the high of being in a new place. However, in the weeks since, her words have rung so true.
I struggled a lot the weeks right after that. March was a very difficult month for me spiritually, physically, and emotionally. After we came into April, things started getting much better. There are definitely many times in the past few weeks I have loved being in Cambodia! But, true to Ann's words, there are times I haven't been so excited to be here. (One of those times was definitely when our neighbors down the street had a wedding and blared techno Khmer music from early in the morning til evening for 2 1/2 days straight.)
That's life though. Anything worth doing and experiencing is not going to be easy. I have been teaching Hannah and Ethan in the mornings, and then in the afternoons I go to my Khmer lesson from 3-4 (this has always been something I enjoy, even in the hardest weeks I've had here!) and now I teach English from 4-5. I have loved getting to know my students. I'm definitely just playing it by ear though, as I have never taught English before, and there's not a teacher's book for the level I'm teaching! I'm definitely using a lesson we all learned in El Salvador: "Flexibl-ey"! The number one rule of missions is: BE FLEXIBLE!
There is a Buddhist monk in my class, and it has been great to see him open up and start participating in games and activities in class. The first week or so he came into the class and sat in the back and did not speak. I know this is because of the rules that monks are not supposed to be around women, but it seems the more we go on, the more comfortable he's getting. I hope I can show the love of my Savior in the classroom to all of my students!
Last week was a break for the Khmer New Year. We had a missionary friend from Phnom Penh, Kaeli, come and visit. We had a great time showing her around Battambang, and it was especially nice to have some great conversations with her at the end of each day. I also have been forming great friendships with a lot of the Filipino missionaries here. I got invited to a lot of fun events with them over the break as well. I hope to visit the Philippines sometime in the future for sure!
I'm learning so much about life on the mission field, and life in general. I know God has me here for "such a time as this." While I do not feel a strong burden to stay in Cambodia long term,at least not at this time, my heart will always be open to the Khmer people because of the everyday joys and struggles I've been sharing with them in this thing we call life!
To close, here are a few pictures from the past few weeks:
Kindergarten class during the Easter program at Salaa Hope (the school where I teach Hannah and Ethan everyday.) 
Flindy, a great Filipino friend I made here, who has now returned to the Philippines after a one year internship here in Cambodia. I'll miss her a lot! 
Fun times at cell group for Khmer New Year. We played water games and then threw water and baby powder on everybody! 
LOHI English Center staff...love these people!
A couple of weeks after I got to Cambodia we went to Phnom Penh, the capital city, to take care of some business such as extending my visa, getting shots, stocking up on supplies, etc. One night we had dinner with my supervising missionary, Ann. She's just wonderful! One thing she said to me at the time really sticks with me. She said, "There are times when you will love being in Cambodia, and there are times when you'll hate it." At the time, I didn't truly understand what she was saying. I was still on the high of being in a new place. However, in the weeks since, her words have rung so true.
I struggled a lot the weeks right after that. March was a very difficult month for me spiritually, physically, and emotionally. After we came into April, things started getting much better. There are definitely many times in the past few weeks I have loved being in Cambodia! But, true to Ann's words, there are times I haven't been so excited to be here. (One of those times was definitely when our neighbors down the street had a wedding and blared techno Khmer music from early in the morning til evening for 2 1/2 days straight.)
That's life though. Anything worth doing and experiencing is not going to be easy. I have been teaching Hannah and Ethan in the mornings, and then in the afternoons I go to my Khmer lesson from 3-4 (this has always been something I enjoy, even in the hardest weeks I've had here!) and now I teach English from 4-5. I have loved getting to know my students. I'm definitely just playing it by ear though, as I have never taught English before, and there's not a teacher's book for the level I'm teaching! I'm definitely using a lesson we all learned in El Salvador: "Flexibl-ey"! The number one rule of missions is: BE FLEXIBLE!
There is a Buddhist monk in my class, and it has been great to see him open up and start participating in games and activities in class. The first week or so he came into the class and sat in the back and did not speak. I know this is because of the rules that monks are not supposed to be around women, but it seems the more we go on, the more comfortable he's getting. I hope I can show the love of my Savior in the classroom to all of my students!
Last week was a break for the Khmer New Year. We had a missionary friend from Phnom Penh, Kaeli, come and visit. We had a great time showing her around Battambang, and it was especially nice to have some great conversations with her at the end of each day. I also have been forming great friendships with a lot of the Filipino missionaries here. I got invited to a lot of fun events with them over the break as well. I hope to visit the Philippines sometime in the future for sure!
I'm learning so much about life on the mission field, and life in general. I know God has me here for "such a time as this." While I do not feel a strong burden to stay in Cambodia long term,at least not at this time, my heart will always be open to the Khmer people because of the everyday joys and struggles I've been sharing with them in this thing we call life!
To close, here are a few pictures from the past few weeks:
Monday, March 12, 2012
"Are you looking at Jesus Aunt Jennifer?"
This past week I think I entered the step in the process of culture shock that "they" call "crisis." I was in the "honeymoon" stage for a month, but last week it suddenly set in that I won't see everyone back home for a pretty long time. Now mind you, a year is not a very long time. I think it's this trick the mind plays with a person, because of the stress and general "overwhelmingness" of adapting to a different culture, that tells the person that the stretch of time before them is going to drag on and last for ages and ages. That's what it seemed like to me some of the time in the past week. A year from now seemed somewhat equal to a thousand years, give or take a few months. This might sound silly to you. Things like that sounded silly to me, back when I had lived in America my entire life and had never had to adapt to a new culture. Yeah...it's that old lesson, never judge someone until you've walked a mile in their moccasins... or rode a mile in their tuk tuk!
Today at school, I was feeling pretty low. The feelings seem to hit worse in the morning for some reason. Hannah had gone to Khmer class and Ethan was sitting at his desk working on a handwriting sheet. I was staring out the window, watching a rooster make his way across the yard of the house behind our classroom. I was mostly thinking sad thoughts and feeling sorry for myself though.
All of a sudden, Ethan looked at me and said, "What are you looking at Aunt Jennifer?"
I turned away from the window and said, "Oh nothing."
Then Ethan said, "Were you looking at Jesus?"
I kind of laughed and said, "No, I was watching a rooster."
But Jesus said to my heart, "Why AREN'T you looking at me? You've lost sight of me the past few days. I've been right here with you, and I'll be with you
always...even to the end of the age."
That's our little secret code sentence, me and Jesus. Looking back over the years, He always reminds me of the end of the Great Commission when I'm at my lowest, feeling lonely, scared, or abandoned. I realized that I haven't been looking at Him or for Him lately. He's here in Battambang. He's very much here. I've just been looking so much at my problems and what I've been feeling that I had lost sight of Him.
Sunday evening I went to a cell group for young adults from the church. I hopped on the back of my friend Nareth's moto and we rode to a little wooden house on stilts. There were three other young adults there besides us, and the mother of the guy whose house we were meeting at. They pulled out a mat and put it on the muddy ground underneath the house. We all sat down and there were dogs and chickens all around us. They sang some songs in Khmer that I didn't understand. We talked about Hebrews 13:5, and I used all the Khmer I knew and Nareth translated what I didn't know into English and translated my English into Khmer for the others. We played a game to get to know each other too. I sat there under a house of someone I had never even met before that evening, surrounded by mud, a dog, chickens, getting bit by mosquitos, and I realized that I was at complete and perfect peace for the first time in over two weeks. I felt at home. Jesus sat under that house with us.
Today I spent time with my friend Mary Jane and another teacher from the English center where I take Khmer lessons. We sat at a little cafe and ate fruit in sweetened milk and shaved ice with cocoa powder sprinkled on top. We talked about being single females serving God and waiting on His timing for our lives.
Saturday was my birthday and I had a wonderful birthday breakfast at a new American style restaurant in town, The Green Mango. (For all you Atlantans and Peachtree City dwellers, it reminds me a lot of The Flying Biscuit!) I had "my family" the Heilmans there, plus 8 other people that I can truthfully call really good friends. I realized God has blessed me immensely with friendships really quickly here in Cambodia. I have nothing to be sad about!
Jesus is here, I've just been staring straight past Him lately. Thanks to Ethan's reminder this morning, I'm going to look at Him.
Today at school, I was feeling pretty low. The feelings seem to hit worse in the morning for some reason. Hannah had gone to Khmer class and Ethan was sitting at his desk working on a handwriting sheet. I was staring out the window, watching a rooster make his way across the yard of the house behind our classroom. I was mostly thinking sad thoughts and feeling sorry for myself though.
All of a sudden, Ethan looked at me and said, "What are you looking at Aunt Jennifer?"
I turned away from the window and said, "Oh nothing."
Then Ethan said, "Were you looking at Jesus?"
I kind of laughed and said, "No, I was watching a rooster."
But Jesus said to my heart, "Why AREN'T you looking at me? You've lost sight of me the past few days. I've been right here with you, and I'll be with you
always...even to the end of the age."
That's our little secret code sentence, me and Jesus. Looking back over the years, He always reminds me of the end of the Great Commission when I'm at my lowest, feeling lonely, scared, or abandoned. I realized that I haven't been looking at Him or for Him lately. He's here in Battambang. He's very much here. I've just been looking so much at my problems and what I've been feeling that I had lost sight of Him.
Sunday evening I went to a cell group for young adults from the church. I hopped on the back of my friend Nareth's moto and we rode to a little wooden house on stilts. There were three other young adults there besides us, and the mother of the guy whose house we were meeting at. They pulled out a mat and put it on the muddy ground underneath the house. We all sat down and there were dogs and chickens all around us. They sang some songs in Khmer that I didn't understand. We talked about Hebrews 13:5, and I used all the Khmer I knew and Nareth translated what I didn't know into English and translated my English into Khmer for the others. We played a game to get to know each other too. I sat there under a house of someone I had never even met before that evening, surrounded by mud, a dog, chickens, getting bit by mosquitos, and I realized that I was at complete and perfect peace for the first time in over two weeks. I felt at home. Jesus sat under that house with us.
Today I spent time with my friend Mary Jane and another teacher from the English center where I take Khmer lessons. We sat at a little cafe and ate fruit in sweetened milk and shaved ice with cocoa powder sprinkled on top. We talked about being single females serving God and waiting on His timing for our lives.
Saturday was my birthday and I had a wonderful birthday breakfast at a new American style restaurant in town, The Green Mango. (For all you Atlantans and Peachtree City dwellers, it reminds me a lot of The Flying Biscuit!) I had "my family" the Heilmans there, plus 8 other people that I can truthfully call really good friends. I realized God has blessed me immensely with friendships really quickly here in Cambodia. I have nothing to be sad about!
Jesus is here, I've just been staring straight past Him lately. Thanks to Ethan's reminder this morning, I'm going to look at Him.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Hello Cambodia!
Well it has been a long time. I mostly stopped writing for a while because I didn't have much to write about in regards to Cambodia. I was mostly waiting for God's timing to get here...though that time waiting was definitely not wasted. God used that time to grow me in leaps and bounds, and taught me lessons that I definitely needed to learn before I got here.
However I AM HERE IN CAMBODIA NOW! I plan to start writing again on a regular basis. It will be something I will have to discipline myself at, because the writer in me has gotten pretty lazy in the last year.
I've been in Cambodia for a little over three weeks now. My visa has been extended, my immunizations updated, and I definitely live here now. That's sort of a strange feeling. I'm used to being a "tourist" in foreign lands, even if that's not what I wanted to admit to being at the time. This time though, I'm here to stay for a while. The people on the street are my neighbors. I have a home church, though I can't understand most of what is preached and sang there yet. I have a "job", teaching Hannah and Ethan every weekday.
I live in a city called Battambang. It's the second largest city in Cambodia, though not nearly as big as the capital city, Phnom Penh. It's a pretty laid back place. There are stores and restaurants, but no "western style" super markets or fast food chains like in PP. It reminds me more of my hometown, Newnan, whereas PP is more like Atlanta... just with 100x crazier traffic!
While in PP I had the opportunity to visit Toul Sleng, which is the high school that was turned into a prison and torture center during the Khmer Rouge in the late 1970's. It's now a genocide museum, and the "classrooms" and cells have been left exactly the way they were at the fall of the Khmer Rouge. There is old rusty torture equipment and dark stains on the floors left from the blood. It gives me a strange feeling even thinking about it now, when I'm miles away, sitting here in the comfort of our house, typing on my computer, with the low hum of a fan in the background. Some of the rooms are lined with photographs of the victims. Innocent men, women and children. Old and young. All brutally tortured and killed because they had more than a third grade education. I've seen it before, on television, but seeing it in person, it hit home. I think especially after I had spent two weeks already getting to know so many wonderful people who look so similar to the people in those photos. Thinking about how my friends who are teachers at the school where I teach Hannah and Ethan everyday, or the pastors at our church, lots of people I pass on the street or see in restaurants...they would have all died if they lived under the rule of Pol Pot. It's crazy to think about. It makes me sick at my stomach.
However, mostly everyday that is not on my mind. (Thankfully, I don't know how I would make it through each day if it was...) Though I know there are people here who lived through it, who probably still think of it everyday, but they don't speak of it. Mostly I think of Cambodia rising from the ashes. Of the incredible young generation of the Body of Christ in Cambodia who are ready to do things for God's glory. I think of how much potential Cambodia has, and how much the country has moved forward even in the last ten years. I also think about a new evil, the problem of slavery. That's a "right now" tragedy that happens every day. Great things are stirring in my heart about that, and a great God appointment happened for me last night, but that's a story that can't be told yet. It's not time.
Right now my assignments are two awesome little MK's in 2nd grade and Kindergarten. That's where my focus is, and that's what I'll do my best at. Right here, right now.
However I AM HERE IN CAMBODIA NOW! I plan to start writing again on a regular basis. It will be something I will have to discipline myself at, because the writer in me has gotten pretty lazy in the last year.
I've been in Cambodia for a little over three weeks now. My visa has been extended, my immunizations updated, and I definitely live here now. That's sort of a strange feeling. I'm used to being a "tourist" in foreign lands, even if that's not what I wanted to admit to being at the time. This time though, I'm here to stay for a while. The people on the street are my neighbors. I have a home church, though I can't understand most of what is preached and sang there yet. I have a "job", teaching Hannah and Ethan every weekday.
I live in a city called Battambang. It's the second largest city in Cambodia, though not nearly as big as the capital city, Phnom Penh. It's a pretty laid back place. There are stores and restaurants, but no "western style" super markets or fast food chains like in PP. It reminds me more of my hometown, Newnan, whereas PP is more like Atlanta... just with 100x crazier traffic!
While in PP I had the opportunity to visit Toul Sleng, which is the high school that was turned into a prison and torture center during the Khmer Rouge in the late 1970's. It's now a genocide museum, and the "classrooms" and cells have been left exactly the way they were at the fall of the Khmer Rouge. There is old rusty torture equipment and dark stains on the floors left from the blood. It gives me a strange feeling even thinking about it now, when I'm miles away, sitting here in the comfort of our house, typing on my computer, with the low hum of a fan in the background. Some of the rooms are lined with photographs of the victims. Innocent men, women and children. Old and young. All brutally tortured and killed because they had more than a third grade education. I've seen it before, on television, but seeing it in person, it hit home. I think especially after I had spent two weeks already getting to know so many wonderful people who look so similar to the people in those photos. Thinking about how my friends who are teachers at the school where I teach Hannah and Ethan everyday, or the pastors at our church, lots of people I pass on the street or see in restaurants...they would have all died if they lived under the rule of Pol Pot. It's crazy to think about. It makes me sick at my stomach.
However, mostly everyday that is not on my mind. (Thankfully, I don't know how I would make it through each day if it was...) Though I know there are people here who lived through it, who probably still think of it everyday, but they don't speak of it. Mostly I think of Cambodia rising from the ashes. Of the incredible young generation of the Body of Christ in Cambodia who are ready to do things for God's glory. I think of how much potential Cambodia has, and how much the country has moved forward even in the last ten years. I also think about a new evil, the problem of slavery. That's a "right now" tragedy that happens every day. Great things are stirring in my heart about that, and a great God appointment happened for me last night, but that's a story that can't be told yet. It's not time.
Right now my assignments are two awesome little MK's in 2nd grade and Kindergarten. That's where my focus is, and that's what I'll do my best at. Right here, right now.
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