"Are you looking at Jesus Aunt Jennifer?"

This past week I think I entered the step in the process of culture shock that "they" call "crisis." I was in the "honeymoon" stage for a month, but last week it suddenly set in that I won't see everyone back home for a pretty long time. Now mind you, a year is not a very long time. I think it's this trick the mind plays with a person, because of the stress and general "overwhelmingness" of adapting to a different culture, that tells the person that the stretch of time before them is going to drag on and last for ages and ages. That's what it seemed like to me some of the time in the past week. A year from now seemed somewhat equal to a thousand years, give or take a few months. This might sound silly to you. Things like that sounded silly to me, back when I had lived in America my entire life and had never had to adapt to a new culture. Yeah...it's that old lesson, never judge someone until you've walked a mile in their moccasins... or rode a mile in their tuk tuk!

Today at school, I was feeling pretty low. The feelings seem to hit worse in the morning for some reason. Hannah had gone to Khmer class and Ethan was sitting at his desk working on a handwriting sheet. I was staring out the window, watching a rooster make his way across the yard of the house behind our classroom. I was mostly thinking sad thoughts and feeling sorry for myself though.

All of a sudden, Ethan looked at me and said, "What are you looking at Aunt Jennifer?"

I turned away from the window and said, "Oh nothing."

Then Ethan said, "Were you looking at Jesus?"

I kind of laughed and said, "No, I was watching a rooster."

But Jesus said to my heart, "Why AREN'T you looking at me? You've lost sight of me the past few days. I've been right here with you, and I'll be with you

always...even to the end of the age."

That's our little secret code sentence, me and Jesus. Looking back over the years, He always reminds me of the end of the Great Commission when I'm at my lowest, feeling lonely, scared, or abandoned. I realized that I haven't been looking at Him or for Him lately. He's here in Battambang. He's very much here. I've just been looking so much at my problems and what I've been feeling that I had lost sight of Him.

Sunday evening I went to a cell group for young adults from the church. I hopped on the back of my friend Nareth's moto and we rode to a little wooden house on stilts. There were three other young adults there besides us, and the mother of the guy whose house we were meeting at. They pulled out a mat and put it on the muddy ground underneath the house. We all sat down and there were dogs and chickens all around us. They sang some songs in Khmer that I didn't understand. We talked about Hebrews 13:5, and I used all the Khmer I knew and Nareth translated what I didn't know into English and translated my English into Khmer for the others. We played a game to get to know each other too. I sat there under a house of someone I had never even met before that evening, surrounded by mud, a dog, chickens, getting bit by mosquitos, and I realized that I was at complete and perfect peace for the first time in over two weeks. I felt at home. Jesus sat under that house with us.

Today I spent time with my friend Mary Jane and another teacher from the English center where I take Khmer lessons. We sat at a little cafe and ate fruit in sweetened milk and shaved ice with cocoa powder sprinkled on top. We talked about being single females serving God and waiting on His timing for our lives.

Saturday was my birthday and I had a wonderful birthday breakfast at a new American style restaurant in town, The Green Mango. (For all you Atlantans and Peachtree City dwellers, it reminds me a lot of The Flying Biscuit!) I had "my family" the Heilmans there, plus 8 other people that I can truthfully call really good friends. I realized God has blessed me immensely with friendships really quickly here in Cambodia. I have nothing to be sad about!

Jesus is here, I've just been staring straight past Him lately. Thanks to Ethan's reminder this morning, I'm going to look at Him.